Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 3

My housemate Richard and I hosted a sleepover for the 8th and 9th grade boys in our discipleship group a few nights ago.  Unfortunately for me, the boys had a goal to stay up all night, which was incongruous with my goal for the evening, which was to muster as much sleep as possible.  One boy watched movies on his iPod Touch (and thus was quiet), but the other three talked long into the morning.  By 6am, two of the boys had gotten quiet, but one was still rambling on for quite a while.  Finally, he (mercifully) concluded his monologue, stating, "I hate talking to myself."

NY Times Celebrates Life of CCD Hero Allan Tibbels

This week, the NY Times published short stories of 23 notable people who passed away in 2010, including Christian Community Development hero, Allan Tibbels.  Titled "Wheelchair Missionary," the brief article talks about how Allan, inspired by John Perkins, moved his family into one of Baltimore's most blighted neighborhoods (along with friend Mark Gornik) and helped to transform it by partnering with residents to found New Song Community Church, New Song Academy (an independently-run public school) and Sandtown Habitat for Humanity.  Sandtown Habitat, which Allan co-directed, had rehabilitated nearly 300 homes by the time of his passing in June.

One of the most interesting -- and effective -- aspects of Tibbels and Gornik's ministry is that they purposefully did not start any programs immediately upon moving into Sandtown.  Instead, as Gornik tells it, they simply hung out for two years, getting to know their neighbors and their needs, and growing in trust for one another.  From the beginning, it was about relationships.

You can read the excellent NY Times article here.  For more on Tibbles, see the Baltimore Sun's obituary.

Side Note:  Many of you who have spent time with me since 2001 have heard me talk about John Perkins and how he influenced my own life.  John founded the Christian Community Development (CCD) movement, which my organization, Charlottesville Abundant Life Ministries, is a part of.  If you're unfamiliar with CCD and want to understand why I do what I do, I highly recommend reading John's first book, "Let Justice Roll Down."  It might just change your life, like it did mine.

Reading Material: "When Helping Hurts"

My church homegroup is currently reading "When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor... and Yourself" by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert, two economics professors from the Chalmers Center for Economic Development at Covenant College.  I'm less than halfway through the book but I'm really enjoying it.  Corbett and Fikkert's main argument is that poverty has spiritual, social, psychological, and physical aspects, but most poverty alleviation efforts only treat the physical rather than taking a holistic approach.  They define poverty alleviation as a "ministry of reconciliation: moving people closer to glorifying God by living in right relationship with God, with self, with others, and with the rest of creation."

One helpful aspect of this definition is to recognize that we are all poor in some way and in need of poverty alleviation, because none of us have perfect relationships.  They write, "The goal is not to make the materially poor all over the world into middle-to-upper-class North Americans, a group characterized by high rates of divorce, sexual addiction, substance abuse, and mental illness....  The goal is to restore people to a full expression of humanness, to being what God created us all to be..."  I really appreciated this point, because too often "those who have" incorrectly assume they know what "those who do not have" need.

Corbett and Fikkert then define material poverty alleviation as "working to reconcile the four foundational relationships so that people can fulfill their callings of glorifying God by working and supporting themselves and their families with the fruit of that work."  This definition reflects the biblical view that work is (or should be) an act of worship.  When an individual is empowered to earn his own wages, and when he is not merely chasing after wealth or seeking to glorify himself rather than God, he has a healthy relationship with work.

Having worked and/or volunteered in Christian Community Development with a holistic ministry for the last 7.5 years, some of this material is not new to me, especially the practical advice.  Still, the biblical rationale behind the advice and the real world examples of institution-created poverty are enlightening, and I'm looking forward to reading on.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 2

We had just started eating our food at last Friday's Christmas Banquet when one of the 5th graders at my table said, "This chicken tastes funny."  He was eating pork chops.

Work in Progress

For the last year I've tutored one of the 5/8 boys once a week in Abundant Life's after-school tutoring program.  This particular kid had a history of being difficult with tutors, which is actually why I was approached mid-year about tutoring him (the coordinator hoped that I might have more success with him).  At first, I'd estimate we had a productive tutoring session about every other week.  Now, we're productive probably 75% of the time.

Last week, he was tired and made it clear that he did not want to be there.  He asked me to take him home early but I refused.  I tried to get him to focus on his work but he wouldn't budge.  Finally, I called his father and let him talk to his son.  They argued for a bit and then his dad told me that his son would have an attitude adjustment next week.  Because my tutee was still refusing to work, I dropped him off in the office and went home.

This week I showed up at tutoring and my tutee was waiting for me in the cafeteria.  This in itself was surprising because he often tries to sneak onto the bus or hide from us.  But then I heard this remarkable story: apparently, he had gotten onto the bus, but then felt guilty and decided it would be better for him to come to tutoring.  I've become used to his lying about not having any work to do, whining about not wanting to do anything, and lackluster effort.  But this week he was as well-behaved as he's ever been, worked throughout the entire session, and earned the maximum amount of points.

I don't tell this story to toot my own horn; I'm not up for any Tutor of the Year awards.  I just think with a solid relationship, some good strategies, and a lot of faith, patience, and perseverance, God will make a difference in this child's life.  And I'm blessed to be a part of it.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 1

Last fall during our opening circle at a 5/8 Club meeting, 5/8 leader Matthew announced to the boys that he and his girlfriend had gotten engaged.  To which one 5th grader asked, "Did you engage her or did she engage you?"

A Father's Love

I show up early before 5/8 to set up, and a couple of weeks ago I took several kids along with me to help. I left them in the room with a new leader, and then went to another part of the church to get the projector. When I came back, the leader informed me that two of the boys had an altercation that began with name-calling and turned into hitting one another. I told the two boys that I was going to take them home (standard protocol for fights), but waited for the rest of the boys and leaders to arrive to help get them started. I then told the two boys to come with me.

As we were walking to my car and then on the way home, they said they didn't need to go home, that it was settled and they had apologized to one another. I explained that this is what happens when you get in a fight, you go home and you miss the next field trip. As we approached their houses, I said I needed to talk to their parents. Again, they said that wasn't necessary, but I insisted. I spoke to one parent right then, but the other wasn't home so I returned later that night after 5/8 was over.

Both of these boys are frequent visitors to my house, and I generally have very good relationships with them, but I wondered if my disciplinary action would make them resentful towards me, if they wouldn't come to the next meeting, etc., and if I did the right thing. That Saturday, we had a small group dinner where we took the 5th and 6th graders to the UVA football game. As I was getting ready to leave to pick up the food and the bus, the two boys involved in the altercation arrived at my house separately. They both asked if they could join me. I said yes.

I really think this was God's way of reassuring me that I handled the situation the right way, and that I was loving them through it. As the Scripture says:

"My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in." - Proverbs 3:11-12

Snowball Effect

I’m usually the last 5/8 Club leader to leave on Monday nights, and as I pack up my car I tend to ask myself questions to judge how the evening went: How many kids came? Were there any discipline problems? Did we as leaders demonstrate the love of Jesus to the kids? Did they (and we) have fun?  After a 5/8 Club meeting this past winter, I received a text message from Matthew just as I pulled into my driveway.  It simply said, “Call me.”  Since Matthew is the 5/8 leader who drives kids home on the bus, and the bus tends to be our most frequent site of misbehavior, I knew this probably wasn’t good.

I called Matthew and he explained to me that one of the 5^th grader’s fathers waved him down as he returned home after dropping off the kids.  He said that his son came home crying because he had been hit in the face with a ball of ice in the parking lot after the meeting.  Matthew apologized and said he didn’t know because he didn’t see it and the boy didn’t tell him, and that he would have me call him.  I got off the phone with Matthew and quickly contacted the other leaders to find out if anyone had seen anything.  None of them had.  I then called the boy’s father.  He was justifiably upset; his son had a welt on his face and scratches, didn’t know who hit him, and was scared because he thought someone may have done it on purpose.  I apologized, and because it was after 9pm at this point, I told the father that I would go door-to-door to the boys’ houses tomorrow and try to find out what happened.  I assured him that we would hold the person who threw the ice responsible for his actions and asked if he thought an apology would be helpful.  He said yes.

The next afternoon I started knocking on doors.  The first kid I talked to said that another boy, also a 5^th grader, told him that he had done it.  I immediately began thinking about consequences, such as taking away the field trip that the boys earn for attendance and good behavior.  That boy wasn’t home, so I went to another home to verify and get more of the story.  The next boy I talked to said that that day at school, the boy who threw the ice confessed to the boy he hit that it was him, assured him that it was an accident, and apologized.  A great sense of relief swept over me.  My emotions turned from disappointment to joy that without adult intervention, this 5^th grade boy took responsibility for his actions and made things right.  I went by the house of the boy who had been hit by the ice; his face was still swollen and scratched.  He told me the same thing as the previous boy.  I asked him if he was mad at the boy who hit him and he said no.  His father’s demeanor had completely changed; I could tell that he was no longer upset and was satisfied with the outcome.

At the risk of embarrassing the two boys, I shared that story during circle time of our next 5/8 Club meeting.  I explained that normally the ice thrower would miss the field trip for such actions, but in this case he would not because he did exactly what he should have done in that situation.  I hope that his example encourages the other boys to take responsibility when they mess up.  And for me, this demonstration of repentance and forgiveness is an encouraging reminder that the Kingdom is at work in the boys’ hearts and in the community.