Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 17

A few days ago, on our way to Camp Wabanna, the boys and I stopped at Chipotle for dinner. One 7th grader, who is Mexican, was very excited because he had never been there before.  He asked me if they had cow tongue and churros; he was surprised to learn they did not.  He really seemed to enjoy his meal, though.  After he finished it, he dramatically proclaimed, "This is the best burrito I've had in days."

He experienced another culinary first yesterday: onion rings.  Those, he said, were "superb."

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 16

I took a couple of sixth graders with me to the UVA men's basketball game on Saturday, and as is my custom, I parked a little far away for free.  We needed to hurry to not miss player introductions, so I set a fast pace.  One of the boys had no problem keeping up, but the other is more on the rotund side.  He was clearly struggling, and as we crossed the U-Hall parking lot, he hilariously began yelling, "Taxi!  Taxi!"  None came to his aid, but he caught up to us at the crosswalk in front of the arena.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 15

During the 5/8 summer program, we typically take the boys on field trips to Mint Springs Lake and Water Country USA.  They tend to have a range of swimming abilities, from experienced to beginner, and I don't usually know until we're in the water (lifeguards are always present).  This pair of quotes is from last summer.

Me: Do you know how to swim?
5th grader: I can swim. Except when I'm drowning, it's hard for me to swim.

6th grader (trying to convince me that his mother's worries about him in water were unfounded): I swam in eight feet of water and I didn't even drown!

Somehow neither statement provided me much assurance in their abilities, but thankfully, we were incident-free.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 14

I was just looking back through my Discipleship notes from this year, and came across a couple of funny quotes I thought I'd share.  These were on separate nights.

8th grader (reciting Isaiah 53:5 from memory): He was crushed for our inequalities...
Note: Coincidentally, this same mistake was made by a 9th grader on another night.

9th grader (after I told him to turn to Romans 8:31-32): Is it near Isaiah?
Me: Further.
9th grader: Jeremiah?
Me: Further.
9th grader: Matthew?
Me: Further.
9th grader: Mark?
Me: Further.
9th grader: Peter?
Me: Too far.
9th grader: You said Romance?

Richard says the darndest things

My co-worker/partner in ministry Richard has a penchant for butchering names. When our 5/8 Summer Program began a month ago, he mentioned to the boys some of the movies we might watch together. Among them were Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story. He described it as starring "Goody Cuban, Jr."

Start 'em young

The other day a 5/8 Club member told me that his sister was expecting her first child, a boy. I asked if he was excited. He said, "Yeah, because if we stay in Charlottesville, maybe he can be in 5/8 when he's between 5th and 8th grades." I'm excited about that idea, too.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 13

Last week in Discipleship, I asked if anyone remembered what we had talked about the week before. We're studying Love this semester, and the lesson was on Jesus washing his disciples' feet. There was a lot of silence, and one student said, "I forgot." "It was something Jesus did for his disciples," I told them in an effort to jog their memories. To give them another hint, Jonathan, my co-leader, lifted up and pointed to his foot. "Oh!" exclaimed the one who admitted forgetting. "Kissing people's shoes?"

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 12

A few days ago I went to a housing complex where some of the current and former 5/8 boys live to do some home visits. Several kids were playing outside, including two 5/8 boys, and another boy who I've met but don't really know. They saw me and yelled, "Hey Dylan!" I said "hi" back. Then one of the 5/8 boys and the boy whose name I don't know had this exchange:

You don't know Dylan! 
Yes I do! 
What's his name then? 
Dylan!

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 11

This fall, the 5th and 6th grade boys are studying the Fruits of the Spirit in 5/8 Club. Last week, the boys were learning about peace. Will divided the boys into two groups and instructed them to act out a scene in which one of them creates conflict and the others act as peacemakers. In the first group, one of the boys was a bully. The boy whom he targeted told a teacher, who then took the bully to the principal. In the second group, three boys were tossing a ball in a circle. Another boy walked up to one of them and said, "Your mama is so fat, the only letters of the alphabet she knows are 'KFC'." The rest of the boys literally fell on the floor laughing, and even us leaders couldn't hold it together. The skit fell completely off track and we had to let the boys cool off before we had them restart from the beginning. At least no one can call our bible study boring!

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 10

During our 5/8 Summer Program this year, a leader and a 6th grader had this exchange:
Kid: Want to play The Game You'll Never Win?
Leader: Sure.
Kid: What's my favorite color?
Leader: Red.
Kid: No.
Leader: Blue.
Kid: No. It's a rectangle. What's my favorite state?
Leader: Virginia.
Kid: No.
Leader: Delaware.
Kid: No. It's Saturn.

It's a Long Word

Now that we're winding down our 2011-2012 Discipleship program, which has been meeting nearly every week since late August, you would think the boys would know what's it's called.  But a couple of weeks ago, I got a text message from one of the 8th graders in the group.  "Do we have that thang tonight?"  Fortunately, he shows up faithfully even if he doesn't know what he's showing up to.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 9

Last week at Discipleship, I had two memorable conversations with the same boy.

9th grader: I ran into my teacher's husband on the Downtown Mall.  He's a TV reporter.
Me: What's his name?
9th grader: Mark... Twain?
Me: His name is Mark Twain?
9th grader: No... that's not right.

Later, while we tossed a football...

9th grader: (looking at his left foot) Man, I hate left-footed shoes.

Me: You hate left-footed shoes?

9th grader: Flat-footed.  I meant to say flat-footed.

They Know Me Well

During Discipleship this week, I had just finished serving dessert to the boys and was putting the remaining cookies away when one of the boys asked me for another one.  Just before I said "No," another boy next to him said "No."  The first boy responded, "Please?"  Again, just before I said "No," the second boy said "No."  "Why?" the first boy asked.  Just before I said "Because," the second boy said "Because."  We all then laughed.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 8

Last year, Richard, my partner in ministry, had this exchange with one of the 5/8 boys.
Richard: How old are you?
8th grader: 15.
Richard: When do you turn 16?
8th grader: My next birthday.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 7

Last Thursday, we went fishing at a private pond for our weekly 5/8 Summer Program field trip. In our group of ten, five of the boys had never fished before and others were not very experienced. Our host, E.N., showed some of them that the best way to hold onto (certain) fish is to put your thumb in their mouths just past their teeth and pinch. When Devin caught an 11.75-inch bass and was unsure how to grab it, I yelled from a distance, "Stick your thumb in it's mouth!" K'Jawn, who was near me, said, "Eww! He has to stick his tongue in it's mouth?"

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 6

Last year during circle time of a 5/8 meeting, someone brought up the topic of jellyfish. I said, "You know, if you get stung by a jellyfish you're supposed to pee on it." One of the 5th graders quizzically asked, "Pee on the jellyfish?"

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 5

This afternoon I was walking toward my house, and I saw a large dog running around our back yard. Because we recently got chickens, I knew this could be bad. I also saw two of the 5/8 boys walking up to our front door. They banged on the door furiously, and when my roommate answered, they yelled, "A wolf is attacking the chickens! A wolf is attacking the chickens!" My confused roommate came outside to see what I was seeing. Alas, it was not a wolf but a huskie. The dog did "get" one of the chickens, as in got on top of it and evidently gnawed its leg, but it survived minus a batch of feathers. Once the "wolf" was led away by its owners and we established the chickens were fine, we had a good laugh.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 4

At Discipleship Group tonight, one of the passages we studied was John 13:34-35: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Because two of the boys were messing with each other while it was being read aloud and couldn't summarize the passage, we read it aloud a second time. I then asked another one of the boys to summarize. His response: "Love a disciple."

Thou Shalt Not Confuse the Bible and the Constitution

In discipleship group last week, I asked at the beginning of our bible study what we talked about the previous week. I then held up ten fingers to give one of the eighth grade boys a hint. He excitedly shouted, "The Ten Amendments!" Surprisingly, the Bill of Rights had not come up during the previous week's lesson.

He then proceeded to summarize the story of Moses leading the Israelites across the Red Sea; only in his version, it was the Romans who were chasing after them and were washed away by the water. I'm glad his retention is pretty strong, even if the details are slightly mixed up!

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 3

My housemate Richard and I hosted a sleepover for the 8th and 9th grade boys in our discipleship group a few nights ago.  Unfortunately for me, the boys had a goal to stay up all night, which was incongruous with my goal for the evening, which was to muster as much sleep as possible.  One boy watched movies on his iPod Touch (and thus was quiet), but the other three talked long into the morning.  By 6am, two of the boys had gotten quiet, but one was still rambling on for quite a while.  Finally, he (mercifully) concluded his monologue, stating, "I hate talking to myself."