Making Things Right

By living in the community with the boys we work with, we’re able to hold them to high standards not only during 5/8 Club meetings but also in the neighborhood.  Two days after our Summer Program ended, I got a call from someone who said his neighbor’s bike was stolen, and he had reason to believe some of the 5/8 boys were the ones who took it.  A little investigating confirmed that some of the boys had it, and shortly thereafter they actually showed up at our house with it, wanting to pump up the tires.  We called the bike’s owners, whom we knew (and who knew some of the boys), and they came and retrieved the bike.

From here, this situation could have gone in a number of directions.  The victims could have filed a police report, charges could have been pressed, and the boys could have ended up in court.  Or, satisfied that the bike was recovered, the victims could have gone home and let the kids’ parents take it from there, most likely punitively.  Fortunately, the victims chose to pursue a restorative process, one which I’m trained in from my days working for Restorative Community Foundation. 

Our traditional justice system is adversarial, pitting the state against the offender (with little role for the victim), and punishment is meted out with little regard for the victim, offender, or community’s needs.  The beauty of the restorative process is that it is collaborative, inclusive, and affirms the value of both victim and offender.  We spoke to the boys involved and their parents, and invited them all to attend a conference with the family whose bike was stolen.  We also had a few community members there who knew everyone in the room and were involved in the recovery of the bike.  As facilitator, I was neutral.

After explaining the rules of the circle and having everyone introduce themselves, I asked the bike owners what happened.  I then asked the boys what happened (they freely admitted to taking the bike), and asked the community members if they had anything to add.  I then asked everyone how it made them feel.  The bike owners’ feelings ranged from confused to upset; the son explained that the bike is how he gets to practice.  One of the boys said he was scared.  The parents and community members expressed disappointment and embarrassment.  Next, I asked the victims about their needs and how it could be made right.  The mother wanted an apology.  A parent suggested the boys do manual labor at the victims’ house or for Abundant Life.  One by one, each boy offered an apology without coercion, and the victims expressed their gratitude.  Everyone agreed that the boys would do some labor at the victims’ house as restitution.

The difference in expressions on everyone’s face from Thursday afternoon, when the bike was stolen, and even from that morning when everyone arrived for the conference, was stark.  Anxiety, anger, and heavy hearts were replaced by smiles and sighs of relief.  Everyone seemed pleased with the outcome, and peace, justice, and dignity were restored.

It's a Long Word

Now that we're winding down our 2011-2012 Discipleship program, which has been meeting nearly every week since late August, you would think the boys would know what's it's called.  But a couple of weeks ago, I got a text message from one of the 8th graders in the group.  "Do we have that thang tonight?"  Fortunately, he shows up faithfully even if he doesn't know what he's showing up to.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 9

Last week at Discipleship, I had two memorable conversations with the same boy.

9th grader: I ran into my teacher's husband on the Downtown Mall.  He's a TV reporter.
Me: What's his name?
9th grader: Mark... Twain?
Me: His name is Mark Twain?
9th grader: No... that's not right.

Later, while we tossed a football...

9th grader: (looking at his left foot) Man, I hate left-footed shoes.

Me: You hate left-footed shoes?

9th grader: Flat-footed.  I meant to say flat-footed.

They Know Me Well

During Discipleship this week, I had just finished serving dessert to the boys and was putting the remaining cookies away when one of the boys asked me for another one.  Just before I said "No," another boy next to him said "No."  The first boy responded, "Please?"  Again, just before I said "No," the second boy said "No."  "Why?" the first boy asked.  Just before I said "Because," the second boy said "Because."  We all then laughed.

Viewing Material: Louie Giglio, "How Great is Our God"

This semester, I'm designing and teaching a curriculum for the 7th and 8th graders in the 5/8 Club called "Christian Mythbusters."  In January, I asked the boys to think about ways they have seen God, Jesus, the Bible, Christianity, or Christians portrayed in the media.  As many of them are fans of TV shows like Family Guy and American Dad, they brought up some very weird things they have seen.  Once we came up with a list of myths together, I categorized/ordered them and started researching Scriptures that speak to each one.

For the first two weeks, we discussed the myths "God doesn't exist," "God didn't create everything," "We are all here by chance," and "God isn't all powerful."  The verses we discussed included Romans 1:20 ("For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.") and Colossians 1:15-17 ("The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.").

Next, we watched Louie Giglio's sermon, "How Great is Our God," on YouTube.  The five parts total just over 40 minutes long, but it's quite captivating, and hard to stop once you start.  At first the boys predictably grumbled about the length and tried to direct their attention elsewhere, but I could tell they started getting into it after a while.  Our discussion afterward demonstrated their comprehension of the subject matter, and they each had favorite parts.  Most importantly, they realized that if anyone questioned their faith regarding creation, they would have a response.

Below is a link to Part 1.  You can view all five parts in sequence here.

Viewing Material: "58: The Film"

About a month ago, I attended a screening of "58: The Film." Based on Isaiah 58, it is a documentary about the global Church in action in some of the world's poorest places. The film is part of a global initiative to end extreme poverty by connecting thousands of churches with thousands of local projects around the world.

The film was very difficult to watch; by the end I was traumatized by the awful situations and suffering. Just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse, they did. An 8-months pregnant mother of four in famished, rural Kenya, whose husband has left the family, walks miles every day with her eldest daughter collecting sticks and twigs that can be sold as firewood; the daughter is too young to carry them so the mother does. Some people have left the village for the city, hoping for better living conditions; there they face raw sewage flowing outside their front doors and rampant drug and alcohol abuse by adults and children alike. In India, a man works all day, every day in a rock quarry. He has sold himself into slavery because of his mounting debts, but he will never be able to pay them off. Elsewhere in India, cash-strapped parents sell their daughters to sex traffickers to work as prostitutes. Amidst all of the brokenness, the film highlights how the Church is coming alongside those in these desperate situations. An organization teaches the wife and daughter of the enslaved Indian man job skills so they will not fall into slavery themselves. International Justice Mission rescues young girls from brothels and works with local governments to prosecute the traffickers.

Fortunately there was a group discussion afterward, because I needed others to help me process my thoughts. My initial thought was "Why am I here?" working with this population, who are far better off than the people depicted in the film. Then I was reminded that I am here because I have been called to be here, and I should not feel guilty about that. Still, the point of the film is to inspire and show us, the Church, how we can partner with those on the front lines in the developing world and make a real impact. I was personally inspired by a church in Queens, NY highlighted in the film. The youth pastor there has helped to ignite a passion in members of the youth group, who are poor themselves, for the hungry overseas. One day a week they fast and pray for those who are worse off than them. It was very timely for me because that week in Discipleship, I introduced the idea of tithing (giving 10% of your income to the Church) to our 8th and 9th grade boys. They thought it was crazy, and I probably did too when I was their age. But it got me thinking: we do a lot of fundraising activities during the summer for our program. What if I showed 58: to the boys and helped them get passionate about one of these issues or geographic regions, and then challenged them to tithe 10% of everything we raise to one of the organizations highlighted in the film? I told two of them about the film a few weeks ago and they want to see it, so I am excited to share it with them this spring.

You can watch the film for free here, and learn more about the 58: movement at live58.org.

Training Up Leaders

One of my goals as 5/8 Club Coordinator is to have at least one former 5/8 participant serve as a volunteer leader with the group. I've managed to do that for the last four years, and in fact have had two at a time for most of that span. This effort is consistent with the ministry's goal of developing indigenous leadership in the community, but also has practical implications. Who can relate better to the boys in 5/8, or tell me how we could do things better, than young men from the community who have come through the program themselves? I have the opportunity to take these young men under my wing and teach them how to be effective leaders.

It's also important that the boys in our community have positive male role models to look up to, and that these role models come from similar backgrounds and look like themselves. I now have a problem where almost every 8th grader who graduates out of 5/8 wants to be a volunteer leader, and I can't use all of them! As I mentioned in my last post, we are making efforts to plug the boys in as tutors at our Johnson Elementary tutoring program. For those boys who are 10th grade and above, are mature and responsible, and have a love for Jesus, I have a few spots for them as 5/8 leaders. Most serve for multiple years, like Bryan, who served for three years as a high school student and one in college, and Martell, who has served for the last three years. This year I added Paul, an 11th grader who shined in his internship at the Boys and Girls Club this summer and approached me about leading back in September. Paul shows up at my house on Mondays just before it's time to pick up dinner for 5/8, and I use the car ride to Trinity (our meeting place) as a chance to prepare him for the evening and quiz him about what he is supposed to do. He helps lead the 5th and 6th graders during the meeting and helps me clean up afterwards. On the car ride home, I ask him how the evening went, what he did well, and what he could have done better. He is growing into the role, and his commitment to the group is admirable.

As I did with all my leaders, I gave Paul a sheet of the expectations I have for 5/8 leaders, in the form of the acronym DISCIPLE (see below). Unlike my other leaders, I challenged Paul to memorize what each letter stood for. For several weeks I quizzed him, and he couldn't remember a single one! In fact, he often would guess negative words that were the opposite of traits I was looking for (e.g. "selfish" instead of "selfless"). Last week when I asked him, he managed to name two. He wanted to make a bet that if he learned them all in a week, I would have to buy him Chinese food. I thought there was no chance. To my surprise, he listed them off on Monday, two days before the deadline! It would appear that not only does he take his volunteer position, but also his Chinese food, very seriously.

DISCIPLE

DEPENDABLE – Your commitment to each other and the boys is very important. Not only does it show you care, but it helps ensure the health and success of the program. Just as the boys are expected to attend every meeting, so are you.
INVESTING – Being a 5/8 leader requires more than just showing up. Always come to meetings prepared for your roles. Make parent contacts and spend time with the boys outside of our Monday night meetings.
SELFLESS – Put the feelings and needs of the boys and other leaders above your own. Participate and perform tasks even when you don’t feel like it.
COMPOSED – Don’t take it personally when dealing with an unruly child. Be fair and equitable towards all kids. It’s ok to get upset but don’t let that affect your judgment or the standards of how we deal with the boys.
INFLUENTIAL – Recognize that your relationship with the boys gives you a unique opportunity to speak into their lives and help them make good decisions.
PRAYERFUL – Our work requires us to come to our knees in prayer for the boys, their families, and ourselves.
LOVING – Love the boys, not because they love you but because Christ loves you. Be patient and forgiving with them as Christ is with us.
EXAMPLE – Let the way you live your life in and outside of the program be one that positively reflects the Kingdom and how we want the boys to live.